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face_thefear
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Name: ♥Alyssa
Interests: Only a swimmer would understand this: 10x100 Free (fins, u/w fly kick 10m off every wall) on 2.00 SC under 15 per 25 at aerobic threshold pace (HR 150-170)
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/24/2008
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| #132
Miss Independent, that's why I love her
Hey everyone,
I GOT MY LEARNERS! I took the test this morning and I passed with perfect score! Whoop whoop!  So I can officially start learning how to drive from my dad. I'm gonna find a way to squeeze some time to start driving tmrw 
Plans for tmrw:
#1 Have my birthday celebration lunch with family
#2 Go to Sylvia Park
#3 Learn to drive
Pretty much that. Haha.
Signing off because I have nothing else to say.
XO
/Edit
You know what, I've decided to move.
lyricaltragedyy | | |
| #130
And I'm just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are
Today is my last day being 14 years old. Quite sadly I think I wasted this year away, but I guess it's too late for regrets and I'll just try to live my future years more meaningfully to make up for all the stuff I've missed out on.
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
100 Years - Five For Fighting
XO
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| #129
All the time that you were gone, I thought about how things went wrong
Greetings,
Alyssa has cheered up loads since the previous post. A big thank you goes out to everyone who has offered their encouragement and support for me.. You guys keep me going when it gets tough. Love you all 
Anyway, I'll do an update about today, because seriously, it was a lot more eventful than I was expecting it to be.. Kinda in a bad way. Haha. I'm supposed to post about my sleepover on Wednesday/Thursday but I'll post about it when I don't have anything to post about, so I'll put that aside for now.
This morning, training started at 7.15am at LEP. A nice late start for a change  Coya had arranged to give me my birthday present today because she won't be in Auckland on my actual birthday, so I was really excited to see her. Sadly she didn't come, and I was like, "Aww!  " It wasn't because I wanted to get my present that I wanted to see her.. I had also started planning for her birthday present (although her birthday is ages away) and I was really hyped up about showing it to her and asking her for her opinion. So yeah, you get why I got upset when she didn't turn up.
So training started, and only like 5 of us from 4-6pm turned up I think. Me, Liz, Carsten, Lance and Stefan. Yup. Five of us. We did like 400 swim for warm up and we went straight into relays. Pretty cool aye. We've been having relays for the past 3 Saturdays at training.. Lol. Fun fun. Anyway I was chosen by David Kim and our team sucked pretty bad but it was awesome team bonding! I always aim to get a good experience when I'm put together with different younger swimmers during these relays.. Trying to get to know the whole HPK team better. I also dream to be a role model to the younger swimmers.. My goal is to know that someone out there actually dreams to be like me. Haha okay sorry I'm procrastinating.
Anyway training soon ended, and I was supposed to have my interview with Jana.. For the English profile writing thingy at school. I rushed to get changed so that I wouldn't keep Jana waiting (I hate making people wait for me. I feel so bad when I do) and guess what happened?
I slipped. And fell. Ouch.
Yeah, I fell down the steps. It hurt so bad. Haha. Everyone saw me. Even if they didn't, they certainly HEARD me. It was like a loud THUD. Hahaha embarrassing, I know. I slipped on my right foot because the floor was totally WET and then I fell on my tailbone. I couldn't move but I didn't cry. Well, for a few minutes. And then the tears just started falling after a while. Couldn't control it. But I was okay. I mean, I was joking and all that. I was scared that I'd fractured my back or something serious like that but when Sheldon did a check to see if I had tingling feelings in my legs, I didn't, and then he told me not to worry cause nothing's broken. Thank God. Haha. It still hurts now though, but no bruises or anything. Just soreness. Hahaha.
I ended up sitting down at the same spot I fell for like 10 mins to make sure I was okay before I attempted to make any movement. Lol. Then I got a tap on my shoulder. I turned around. The first thing I saw was this MASSIVE present. And then I was like, "What the hell?" I looked up, and I saw COYA! It took me AGES to realise that it was her! I bet my mind was still a bit woozy from my fall. LOL. Yeah so I was really slow in realising that she brought me my present! It was so cool. I'm not gonna reveal what it is because I'll post about it after my birthday party which is on Monday. Hehe. You gotta love that girl, she's awesome. Love you coya xx.
She left, and then I got changed and had my interview with Jana. She was awesome. I only had to ask her ONE question and she told me about her whole life and I never had to ask more questions. I'm pretty confident that I'll do well in the internal next term and if I do, I'm certainly going to give her a present for it! Thanks Jana!
So since then I've been at home just doing random stuff.. Yeah. I think it's time to get back to my English essay, which I have left on my computer for like 10 million hours but have only added 4 lines to it so far.
I really need to ditch my best friend Procrastination. She's doing me too much harm.
Oh well, I shall sign off now. Toodles.
XO
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| #128
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
Warning: Whatever is written in the following post is here and remains here.
This is probably going to be the first emo post of the year 2009. One of my new year resolutions at the beginning of the year (which wasn't too long ago) was to stay happy and deal with whatever happens happily. I think I'm getting better at handling situations now but I guess I'm not perfect. Well, nobody is perfect anyway.
Okay, so, tonight was the first time at training where I actually felt really really glad that I won't have to train at Horst's squad in my entire life at all. Well, that is, if I quit swimming at the time I plan to. You see, in HPK you're supposed to move up from Gary's squad to Horst's squad once you turn 16. And I plan to quit swimming on the year I'm turning 16 so I was soooooo thankful I don't have to move up.
You may wonder why I felt that way tonight.. I'm not sure if I'm right about this or if I'm just being oversensitive. I won't give myself the benefit of the doubt so I'll just say I'm being too sensitive. Okay so the story was that at training tonight, everyone who was present was the older people who I don't talk to much.. (Who am I kidding. I don't talk to them at all.) So you get the point. I was like a stranger among them. Except for Amanda who was there as well but we didn't swim in the same lane so I didn't talk to her much at training either.
Anyway the point is, I was in the same lane as Andrei. Rachel and Lance were in the lane next to us. Andrei kept leaning over to talk to them and I was caught in the middle. Honestly I felt so out of place. Like I was a JI (Join-In) trying to listen to their conversation and pretend like I'm a part of it. The worst was that none of them cared that I was there, and they treated me like I was invisible. I felt really bad about myself and I hate feeling that way especially when I perfectly know that I didn't do anything wrong.
The person swimming in the lane next to the lane I was in got out, so I quietly moved to the empty lane halfway through the drills set.. Andrei didn't ask or say anything but I do hope he feels bad for making me feel out of place because I know he's a nice guy when he wants to be but what he did tonight certainly wasn't nice of him.
While all this was happening, I imagined how it'd be like if I moved up to Horst's squad.. I know if that really does happen, it'd be a tough transition to make because most of my close swimming friends are actually a year younger than me. Coya, Manda and Aims for example, are one year younger than me. Kimmy is TWO years younger than me. Mal and Merc are a year older but I'm not sure if they would move up with me if I'm moved up. Ash is 16 already but she's staying at Gary's squad. So yeah. You get the point. I might be stuck in Horst's squad alone if I'm really unlucky.
Uhm, yeah. Imagine tonight's session happening EVERY SINGLE DAY at EVERY SINGLE SESSION I turn up for. Do you have any idea how miserable I'd be? Do you know how much it sucks to feel out of place? Try being an asian among all the whites and tell me if it's easy to fit in. Go on, I dare you! It's not easy, pronouncing words wrongly and having people laugh at you like you're some kind of an idiot, even if it was an honest mistake.
Moving up to Horst's squad alone would be like, moving to NZ all over again. Back to square one. Honestly. You don't even wanna know how the relationship between me and the people in Horst's squad is.. They don't acknowledge my existence and I don't wanna try to talk to them because I know that they don't think I'm qualified to. They're not gonna waste their breath on me. Afterall, who am I? I'm just me. I'm Alyssa. That's not bloody good enough is it.
It never is.
I shall end here. I was planning to attempt finishing my english essay tonight but I'm too tired and I'm definitely not in the mood anymore. Oh, and guess what?
Fuck you all.
XO
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle, it'll up the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say. | | |
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